mellowslave
new branch on the road, this stretch is with Theo, i´m not alone anymore, i belong to Him
give a damn,i give a damn, give me love, i give You love, i love life, i love U
hello Amo Theo,
i´m writing with my left hand so slow, and will send You something i got at my group, as this is how feel,,,i have struggled through stuff all my life, i´m a survivor, not a quitter, and when the going gets rough, i try harder,,,that is me... whatever happened to good old communication? in bdsm, i always read that communication, not blind faith, is the rock upon which a Master/slave relationship is built,,,
power exchange,,,
Master takes the power which is ceded to Him by His slave, always in her best interests, she is His flower and He is responsible for her growth,,, i give my heart and soul, You nourish and protect it,,,
this is as my group´s name shows, a LEARNING ROAD for both Master and slave, they grow together,,,listening to each other´s hearts,,,this is by no means a one way street,,, let me tell You about my day yesterday, and all through it all, i´ve managed to wake up smiling,,, why? because i love myself, and i have faith in myself, and i am true to myself,,,only that way can i give myself completely,,,
aren´´t You a survivor too? haven´t You got through so many bad moments? and how? by struggling, Amo, and not giving up or giving in when the easy way was to not struggle,,,You struggled, and You got Your reward,,,so, are You going to quit now?,,, i´m not,,,
the Road is long, the Road is to be shared,,, one thing i have clear is that the real Road of D/sis through total and unconditional love,,, that doesn´t mean accepting the unacceptable,,, there are things i can´t accept and i tell You,,, there are things You can´t accept and You tell me,,, that is communication,,, and those are things that need to be worked out,,, that is commitment,,,and that is so damn far from vanilla like You can´t believe,,,
yes, i am so much Your slut, i love that, but body won´t move when heart and mind and soul are working out stuff,,, it´s a package deal,,, i want the 25 years through each passing moment, not the moment for the moment´s sake,,,
ah, yes, so let me tell You about my day yesterday, ,,, i went and got my damn arm checked out and i damn tore a damn ligament in my damn arm, dammit!,,, then, giselle had a bad tooth so i had to work her classes, got around by taxi since i was in plaster,,, then anna still wasn´t home when i got home so i had to start calling her friends and fatima´s mother made fatima tell the truth, anna was in cordoba with her damn boyfriend who´s 20,,, so i made fatima give me the phone number, finally called him at midnight in cordoba, he is studying to be a guardia civil, and i told the damn idiot i was going to blow his career to bits before he started if anna didn´t come home that night,,,i didn´t give classes to 30 guardia civil for over a year for nothing, i told him that too,,,so, at 1 am i had to drive to damn cordoba, and i had to take the damn plaster off my damn arm and a couple painkiller to do that,,, i told the damn idiot guardia civil in the making he had better pay me the 30 euros for the drive, he said he would, and if he doesnt, he will be dead meat,,, i brought my baseball bat with me, i was going to give it to him, wham, bam, when i saw him, but he was too little,,, in all senses of the word,,,so, i crawled into bed at 4 am and got 2 hours sleep before i got up this morning and went to work, and i have classes now at 12:45 and then this afternoon,,, and i ripped off the plaster to be able to drive back and forth sevilla-cordoba-sevilla in the early morning and i´m not going back to have it put back on, i´m just going to deal with it,,,that is how weak i am,,,!it is not Your fault i hurt myself, it´s mine, i shouldn´t get emotional, i should be cold blooded and ruthless, but i am not and will ever will be, my mind and my heart have a very close connection, and i know i am blessed because of that, even when logic escapes me,,,i am me,,,
so, Amo, what i am saying, we only began this road, You are only getting to know me, the seed You planted is called love, and i love You, i can´t ignore it ,,, i don´t want to ,,, i know inside You don´t either,,,
life isn´t easy street, nothing is easy, nothing that is worth getting, every up has its downs, that´s the gravity of life,,, i am not a quitter,,, You have to know that a real slave is hard to come by, and deep inside You know i am very real, so real sometimes i think i can scare a Master away,,, but the greatest of Masters realizes that He can also learn from His slave, as much as she can learn from Him, and that is what it´s all about, Power exchange, You know that, when it comes to putting it in practice, though, it is a lot of work,,,
in real world Amo, slave and Master have needs, wants, desires, and that is something that has to be worked through,,, vanilla is giving up,,, i don´t give up,,, the other day when i left i said bye, i had to get back to the kids and my other obligations, there was nothing else to say, not then, we need to communicate not through anger or hurt, through words and expressing feelings,,,
Masters and slaves seem to have more feelings and emotions than the regular vanilla person, yes? ,,, well, those have to be dealt with, and they are usually all very extreme, we are a strange breed of human, human beings who actually feel all there is to feel, both good and bad, pain and pleasure, happiness and sadness, joy and sorrow,,,we feel all these to an extreme,,, but damn, at the end of the day, we can say we really feel something,,, neither You nor i will ever be vanilla, vanilla is blocking those very feelings, because we might find something inside we don´t like and that would be a threat,,, BDSM and D/s is confronting those feelings, taking them by the horns, caressing them, disecting them, learning from them, growing from them, and one day, somewhere, there is a reward,,,not just through bodily pleasures,,, through the gift You give Your soul,,, and most of all, no slave, no Master, ,,, no Master, no slave ,,, i can give You all my respect, my obedience, my love, my devotion, through power exchange, through communication, through a vital line open between us,,, is the door still open? can i still step inside?
kisses, i love You,
mellow melinda ---
On Sat, 9/24/05, Dean Hollister wrote: From: Dean Hollister Subject: [A_Learning_Road_Too] A Creed To Live By To: "Dean Hollister" Date: Saturday, September 24, 2005, 1:34 AM
A Creed To Live By By Nancye Sims
Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as they would your life, for without them, life is meaningless. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time.
The quickest way to receive love is to give;
the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.
Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
Don't be afraid to learn.
Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
Don't use time or words carelessly.
Neither can be retrieved.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and
Today is a gift:
that's why we call it The Present
i´m writing with my left hand so slow, and will send You something i got at my group, as this is how feel,,,i have struggled through stuff all my life, i´m a survivor, not a quitter, and when the going gets rough, i try harder,,,that is me... whatever happened to good old communication? in bdsm, i always read that communication, not blind faith, is the rock upon which a Master/slave relationship is built,,,
power exchange,,,
Master takes the power which is ceded to Him by His slave, always in her best interests, she is His flower and He is responsible for her growth,,, i give my heart and soul, You nourish and protect it,,,
this is as my group´s name shows, a LEARNING ROAD for both Master and slave, they grow together,,,listening to each other´s hearts,,,this is by no means a one way street,,, let me tell You about my day yesterday, and all through it all, i´ve managed to wake up smiling,,, why? because i love myself, and i have faith in myself, and i am true to myself,,,only that way can i give myself completely,,,
aren´´t You a survivor too? haven´t You got through so many bad moments? and how? by struggling, Amo, and not giving up or giving in when the easy way was to not struggle,,,You struggled, and You got Your reward,,,so, are You going to quit now?,,, i´m not,,,
the Road is long, the Road is to be shared,,, one thing i have clear is that the real Road of D/sis through total and unconditional love,,, that doesn´t mean accepting the unacceptable,,, there are things i can´t accept and i tell You,,, there are things You can´t accept and You tell me,,, that is communication,,, and those are things that need to be worked out,,, that is commitment,,,and that is so damn far from vanilla like You can´t believe,,,
yes, i am so much Your slut, i love that, but body won´t move when heart and mind and soul are working out stuff,,, it´s a package deal,,, i want the 25 years through each passing moment, not the moment for the moment´s sake,,,
ah, yes, so let me tell You about my day yesterday, ,,, i went and got my damn arm checked out and i damn tore a damn ligament in my damn arm, dammit!,,, then, giselle had a bad tooth so i had to work her classes, got around by taxi since i was in plaster,,, then anna still wasn´t home when i got home so i had to start calling her friends and fatima´s mother made fatima tell the truth, anna was in cordoba with her damn boyfriend who´s 20,,, so i made fatima give me the phone number, finally called him at midnight in cordoba, he is studying to be a guardia civil, and i told the damn idiot i was going to blow his career to bits before he started if anna didn´t come home that night,,,i didn´t give classes to 30 guardia civil for over a year for nothing, i told him that too,,,so, at 1 am i had to drive to damn cordoba, and i had to take the damn plaster off my damn arm and a couple painkiller to do that,,, i told the damn idiot guardia civil in the making he had better pay me the 30 euros for the drive, he said he would, and if he doesnt, he will be dead meat,,, i brought my baseball bat with me, i was going to give it to him, wham, bam, when i saw him, but he was too little,,, in all senses of the word,,,so, i crawled into bed at 4 am and got 2 hours sleep before i got up this morning and went to work, and i have classes now at 12:45 and then this afternoon,,, and i ripped off the plaster to be able to drive back and forth sevilla-cordoba-sevilla in the early morning and i´m not going back to have it put back on, i´m just going to deal with it,,,that is how weak i am,,,!it is not Your fault i hurt myself, it´s mine, i shouldn´t get emotional, i should be cold blooded and ruthless, but i am not and will ever will be, my mind and my heart have a very close connection, and i know i am blessed because of that, even when logic escapes me,,,i am me,,,
so, Amo, what i am saying, we only began this road, You are only getting to know me, the seed You planted is called love, and i love You, i can´t ignore it ,,, i don´t want to ,,, i know inside You don´t either,,,
life isn´t easy street, nothing is easy, nothing that is worth getting, every up has its downs, that´s the gravity of life,,, i am not a quitter,,, You have to know that a real slave is hard to come by, and deep inside You know i am very real, so real sometimes i think i can scare a Master away,,, but the greatest of Masters realizes that He can also learn from His slave, as much as she can learn from Him, and that is what it´s all about, Power exchange, You know that, when it comes to putting it in practice, though, it is a lot of work,,,
in real world Amo, slave and Master have needs, wants, desires, and that is something that has to be worked through,,, vanilla is giving up,,, i don´t give up,,, the other day when i left i said bye, i had to get back to the kids and my other obligations, there was nothing else to say, not then, we need to communicate not through anger or hurt, through words and expressing feelings,,,
Masters and slaves seem to have more feelings and emotions than the regular vanilla person, yes? ,,, well, those have to be dealt with, and they are usually all very extreme, we are a strange breed of human, human beings who actually feel all there is to feel, both good and bad, pain and pleasure, happiness and sadness, joy and sorrow,,,we feel all these to an extreme,,, but damn, at the end of the day, we can say we really feel something,,, neither You nor i will ever be vanilla, vanilla is blocking those very feelings, because we might find something inside we don´t like and that would be a threat,,, BDSM and D/s is confronting those feelings, taking them by the horns, caressing them, disecting them, learning from them, growing from them, and one day, somewhere, there is a reward,,,not just through bodily pleasures,,, through the gift You give Your soul,,, and most of all, no slave, no Master, ,,, no Master, no slave ,,, i can give You all my respect, my obedience, my love, my devotion, through power exchange, through communication, through a vital line open between us,,, is the door still open? can i still step inside?
kisses, i love You,
mellow melinda ---
On Sat, 9/24/05, Dean Hollister wrote: From: Dean Hollister Subject: [A_Learning_Road_Too] A Creed To Live By To: "Dean Hollister" Date: Saturday, September 24, 2005, 1:34 AM
A Creed To Live By By Nancye Sims
Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as they would your life, for without them, life is meaningless. Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time.
The quickest way to receive love is to give;
the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.
Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
Don't be afraid to learn.
Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
Don't use time or words carelessly.
Neither can be retrieved.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and
Today is a gift:
that's why we call it The Present
No replies - reply
hi Amo
hi Amo,
You were talking about me reciting shakespeare, i love his writings, ,,,
Your humble and servile slavegirl also writes sonnets, one of my favorite forms of writing, and i have them on the other computer, most, i found one though, and this is for You , from Your girl,,,
so in love with You Master,,,
punished, caressed, scolded, praised, whipped, kissed, stretched, marked, flogged, licked, used, fucked, emptied, filled, ,,, all of me is Yours, ,,,
You were talking about me reciting shakespeare, i love his writings, ,,,
Your humble and servile slavegirl also writes sonnets, one of my favorite forms of writing, and i have them on the other computer, most, i found one though, and this is for You , from Your girl,,,
so in love with You Master,,,
punished, caressed, scolded, praised, whipped, kissed, stretched, marked, flogged, licked, used, fucked, emptied, filled, ,,, all of me is Yours, ,,,
Sunflower settings sonnet
Saffron paint bathes the early countryside
Petals turning to see the sun the best,
Ochre centre packed with seeds to harvest,
When ripened, comes the moment we collide.
A flower could never know the beauty
Of becoming the blossom of your soul -
Full freedom found in such a sweet gaol,
Full colour change bound in desired duty.
A leaf unfurled may never know the bliss
Of stretching upwards willing to receive,
Solace of many darkened nights, reprieve
From withering of roots revived in a kiss.
Sun rays wrapped around each fine filament
Petals composed make One´s true instrument.
- mellow -
No replies - reply
tomorrow is friday
hi Amo Theo,
how beautiful it is to be in the sea, not touching the bottom , and just be pulled to and fro by the waves, and not caring where they are bringing me, just going along with them,,,
and, that is my submission to You,,,
not having both feet on the ground anymore, being under Your control, having You pull me in the direction where You will,,,
most secure when i am not touching ground anymore, free to be captive,,,of Your feelings, Your desires,,,
and, as i go on , i find myself growing stronger and stronger, as a submissive, not weaker and weaker,,,
stronger, in that, i now find myself able to accomplish what is expected of me by You, when i was not able to do that on my own,,,
and, in this new world of Yours that i have entered, i am progressing, growing and finding happiness, finding my self ,,, i have been making the effort to lose weight, and now i am seeing little by little the results, and i am so proud of being strong enough to do this,,,
all the challenges that come in my way, and my hand goes to the collar aroung my throat, and i have no more fear of failure, no more doubt,,,
and i am so pleased in knowing that i have done this as best as i can, happy just in doing,,,i think i am falling in love with my submission,,,and thus, falling in love with my self,,,
and knowing this, want to give You the best of me,,,
and the more i am reducing dimensions outside of me, i am growing on the inside, learning so much day by day, about who i am,,,taking the time to examine my longings, my feelings, where they come from, and why, and seeing my strength comes from You,,,,
i have felt the surrender, and see what changes are happening inside of me,,,
You have hunted me, taken me, and i am Yours,,,
to my Master
with love,
Your mellow
No replies - reply
wednesday
glad its over
hello Master,
i just read this and now i understand a lot more of what is going on in me right now,,,
"the more perfect one tries to become,
the more flaws one sees in their perfection"
and i begin to see that progress begins with owning up to ones limitations,,,and it is true, that the more i feel i am finding my self, more doubts come to my mind,,,i see so many more things that i need to work on in my self, before giving my self ,,, but then, there is the realisation tht there is no way i could have come this far already, if i were not already given,,,and my comfort lies there,,,
and that the temptation to just let it go and look for the easy way is always there, but that it is not the way to find one´s self,,,that is just fooling one´s self into thinking more progress has been made when it hasn´t,,,
on a daily basis, i sometimes see more of what i have not done, than what i have done, in order to feel really to be Your slave, and that can be both defeating and motivating at the same time,,,i guess it depends on the way i would want to see it,,,and i find my self concentrating on the idea of how much further i have still to go, than how far i have come,,,but now it seems that it is ok that i feel that way,,,now i know the journey ahead will be more complicated, but all the more satisfying ,,,
coming to You, it may be at times that i step one step back, but when giving account of this, take two steps ahead,,,
and , the waiting, as hard as it may seem, i have come to understand,,,not without first falling back one step, but then, having moved two steps ahead,,,
and the sonnets of shakespeare, come to mind,,,57 and 58,,,
| SONNET 57 |
|---|
| Being your slave, what should I do but tend |
| Upon the hours and times of your desire? |
| I have no precious time* at all to spend, |
| Nor services to do, till you require. |
| Nor dare I chide the world-without-end hour |
| Whilst I, my sovereign, watch the clock for you, |
| Nor think the bitterness of absence sour |
| When you have bid your servant once adieu; |
| Nor dare I question with my jealous thought |
| Where you may be, or your affairs suppose, |
| But, like a sad slave, stay and think of nought |
| Save, where you are how happy you make those. |
| So true a fool is love that in your will, |
| Though you do any thing, he thinks no ill. |
| SONNET 58 |
|---|
| That god forbid that made me first your slave, |
| I should in thought control your times of pleasure, |
| Or at your hand the account of hours to crave, |
| Being your vassal, bound to stay your leisure! |
| O, let me suffer, being at your beck, |
| The imprison'd absence of your liberty;* |
| And patience, tame to sufferance, bide each cheque, |
| Without accusing you of injury. |
| Be where you list, your charter is so strong |
| That you yourself may privilege your time |
| To what you will; to you it doth belong |
| Yourself to pardon of self-doing crime. |
| I am to wait, though waiting so be hell; |
| Not blame your pleasure, be it ill or well.
and i wait for Master |
No replies - reply
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